I need a new hobby

Dear Doctor BS,

I need a new hobby. I've been a stamp collector ever since I was a child, but a month ago my house burned down in the wildfires, and my stamp collection was destroyed. I spent years of my life and a whole lot of money on that collection, and now it's all gone. I can't see myself ever amassing a collection to match the one that was lost, and I don't have the heart to try. I need to do something in my spare time, preferably something cheap. But what could compete with the excitement of philately?

BN

Dear BN,

Have you considered a normal hobby? Like tennis, or drinking, or sex? And being such a giant nerd, have you tried sex at all? I think you'd find that the excitement of sex is at least as good as the excitement of finding a tiny piece of paper with some printing on it.

Your new hobby should be trying to get laid. Start by putting ads on craigslist. If you're good-looking, include your picture. If not, consider trying to make yourself better looking. And for goodness sake join a gym and start working out. You'll need the stamina once your new hobby gets off the ground.

Doctor BS