My wife thinks I should go on a low sodium diet

Dear Doctor BS,

I have what might be termed risk factors for heart disease. My wife wants me to go on a low sodium diet so I'll be healthier and live longer. I don't want to go on some stupid diet. She's got a doctor backing her side, so I need a doctor on my side. How about it, Doctor BS?

TL

Dear TL

You're right. Going on some stupid low sodium diet would be as much fun as having a TV but only watching public access. Sure, some of it might be surprising and almost good, but mostly it's the same bland crap over and over again. Might as well just leave the house and have a real life.

But here's what you need to tell your wife. This whole low sodium thing? It's just a fad. Most diet advice is. One week something's good for you, the next week it's bad. In reality, it'll all kill you eventually. At least if you avoid stupid diets you'll have a good time in the process.

The other important thing to note is that sodium doesn't actually exist. Really. Look at the periodic table of the elements. In the square for sodium, it says "Na". Meaning not applicable. No such thing. It's just a name they gave to fill the space so the table didn't look funny. So go ahead, eat what you want. Good taste means it's good for you.

Doctor BS

I think hubby is cheating, help!

Dear Doctor BS,

Hubby and I have been married seven years, and lately I think he's got a case of the seven year itch. There are hang-up calls on the phone, mysterious charges on the credit cards, lots of nights where he's "working late". I think he might be cheating on me. I don't know for sure, but I just have a funny feeling in my gut. What should I do? Should I try to set a trap for him?

CF

Dear CF,

If you have a gut feeling about this, there are only three possibilities. One, he's cheating on you. Two, you have an intestinal parasite and should see a doctor. Three, he's a vigilante and all the late nights and phone calls and charges are part of his crime fighting duties. If it's three, he should really tell you about it so you can takes steps to protect yourself from his arch-nemesis, who in all likelihood is already looking to kidnap you and put you in some kind of near-death situation. And you really don't need that. Especially if you also have an intestinal parasite.

As far as setting a trap, I say go for it. Start small, a mouse trap perhaps, and work your way up from there.

Doctor BS