I hate my toes!

Dear Doctor BS,

I have an embarrassing problem. I'm young, cute, have a good figure and all that, but I have the ugliest toes in the world. I hate them! I'm a Barbie doll down to my ankles, but a hobbit after that. I went to the salon the other day for a mani-pedi and the pedicurist recoiled from my feet, and then inspected them way too thoroughly and narrating in Korean. It was so humiliating. I can never go there again. Short of cutting them off, what can I do?

VG

Dear VG,

Your letter is one of the most frustrating kind to answer. It touched my heart, thinking of you so attractive except for one hideous flaw. I could see the answer forming in my mind, and then I read your final sentence.

Short of cutting them off? Why? Why not cut them off if you hate them so much? I think you feel more disfigured now than you would without your toes and/or feet. Really, they're doing such wonderful things with prosthetics these days.

But if you insist on rejecting the miracles of science, you do have two other choices. The first is to move to Alaska, where thick socks and heavy boots never look out of place. The second choice is to become a marathon runner and subject your feet to enough abuse that anyone looking at them will assume it's the running that makes them look that way.

One final option: a sex change. Hobbit toes don't look so bad on a man.