Here come the sweater pants

Dear Doctor BS,

I'm a high school senior and my parents just don't understand me. They want me to go to college for medicine or law. I think medicine is yucky and law is boring. What I really want to do with my life is become a famous fashion designer. I already make my own clothes, and I made several of my friends' prom dresses too. I'm really good! How can I make my parents accept that I have a destiny, and it's not the one they have in mind for me?

SP

Dear SP,

First off, congratulations on knowing what you want at such a young age. Most people are still trying to figure it out on the fly as they get into their 30s. Your parents sound like the kind of people who are so set in their ways that only a dramatic demonstration will shock them into accepting the truth. Ever attempted suicide? That can be a good attention getter, at least the first time. Kind of loses its sting on subsequent (failed) attempts.

There are a few obvious things to do, like dramatically flunking your SATs, writing in your admissions essays that you still believe in the Tooth Fairy, starting a brawl during a campus tour. If nothing else, those should help you not to get into pre-med or pre-law, or really into almost any college at all.

You might not even want to finish high school. Just in case. Meanwhile, you should be working on your first collection, and hold a fashion show which you'll also post on YouTube and sell your clothes on your website. Go with something bold. Like sweater pants. I mean, why limit the cozy feel of a sweater just to your upper body? The lower half would like to be swaddled in comfy, fuzzy warmth too. Bring on the sweater pants!

Doctor BS