My roommate has noisy sex every night, but I need my sleep!

Dear Doctor BS,

I'm a college student living in a house with another college student. She recently found a boyfriend that she has chemistry with, and I don't mean the class! They come over to our apartment every night and have loud sex. We have very thin walls, and I can hear Absolutely Everything. Every moan, every squeak of the bedsprings, every naughty whisper, everything! Other than that, she's a good roommate, and we have a great apartment and I don't want to have to try to move in the middle of the semester. I'm afraid if I say something to her, she'll take it the wrong way and our whole situation will go down the tubes. But this is driving me crazy! I have an early lab two mornings a week, and I don't want to fall asleep at the Bunsen burner. What can I do?

PA

Dear PA,

At least she doesn't leave dirty dishes in the sink, right? Cause if she does, just move out now. Seriously, that's just gross.

But if you want to stay in this apartment, you'll have to make a few changes. First, consider dropping your early lab. Your whole adult life you'll have to get to some office early in the morning, so you should take advantage of the ability to sleep late while you still can.

Second, don't look at this as a problem, look at it as an opportunity. You say they have loud sex every night, roughly at the same time, and for the same amount of time? Great! That sounds like a lucrative live podcast to me. Just get yourself some recording equipment and start broadcasting. Trust me, people will tune in.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. And dirty podcasts.

Doctor BS