My coworkers are ugly, smelly, and annoying. Help!

Dear Doctor BS,

My life is a living hell. I work overtime every day at a job I used to love, until the last person I actually liked got fired. Now my cubicle is completely surrounded by morons. On the right is the smelly idiot who eats stinky food all morning and farts all afternoon. On the left is the noisy idiot who plays the radio on a horrible smooth jazz station all day long, with the volume just loud enough that I can hear it but not the manager. And in the cubicle across from me is the ugly idiot, a quasimodo so hieous that a Freddy Krueger mask would be a step up, so ugly that "Pizza Face" would be a compliment. I can't afford to quit this job, but I can't stand this any longer. Please help!

TL

Dear TL,

Some people would suggest earplugs, a different feng shui for your desk, and a fan, while you being a job search. Others would say a straightforward talk with the offenders would help matters. And yet others would prescribe a little soul-searching, for surely you are at least as annoying to someone as your coworkers are to you; judge not lest ye be judged, and all that.

But in truth your problem has a very simple solution: alcohol.

Start getting drunk at work and you will find yourself happier as you sing along with the muzak, openly insult Pizza Face, and when the booze gets the best of you make sure to vomit into the smelly cube-mate's trash. Work will be more fun and you'll always have a head start on your weekends.

Doctor BS