What kind of business should I start?

Dear Doctor BS,

I'm sick of working for The Man. I hate clocking in and clocking out on their schedule, never having any time for myself and my interests. I want to be in charge of myself for once, be my own boss. But I don't know what kind of business to start. Any ideas?

MK

Dear MK,

The fact that you don't know what kind of business to start highlights an important point: you have no skills. If you had any actual skills, you'd know what business to start, because you'd just start a business selling your skills to clients. Let me guess, you were a liberal arts major, maybe English, maybe history, maybe even philosophy. So you're full of esoteric knowledge and have an inflated opinion of yourself. Easy, you buy a coffee shop. Give it a clever, self conscious name that will attract other overeducated people just like you. Make sure there's comfortable seating and they'll gladly stay all day, especially if you offer refills. The great thing is that you'll stay all day too, because you'll have to since you won't be able to afford to hire help. After a couple years, you'll either get good at it or go broke. But don't worry, if you do go broke, there's always another sucker waiting to buy a cute little coffee shop. Good luck.

Doctor BS